My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
