If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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