Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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