What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
