Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
