I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
