I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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