1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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