alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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