apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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