he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize