Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
