is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
