Whatcha textin bout Willis?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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