If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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