I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
