There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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