So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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