she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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