so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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