Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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