I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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