Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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