You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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