Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
