my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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