I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
