So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
