I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
