I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
