if you like me you must not know who I am
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize