I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
