Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want a musical about memes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
