I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
