Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
