i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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