I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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