I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
