Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
