upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
