Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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