i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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