I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i out mim tonsoeep
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