Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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