I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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