Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
