U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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