Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
