Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
