there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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