By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
