I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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