he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
