Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
