Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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