FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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