does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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