i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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