I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
