Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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