I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4