4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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