No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You made out with two different species that night
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.