New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.