"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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