after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
