A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
