you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
