I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
