I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
