Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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