Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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