just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
