i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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