dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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