you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
