So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
