i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
