I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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