I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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