im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
