Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
