Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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