I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Did I show you my penis last night?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
