I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Randomize