Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
