worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I checked into jail on foursquare
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i need some magic done to my vagina
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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